It is hard to believe we have already had one full week with our sweet boy. In so many ways these past 7 days have gone so much smoother than the first week with Hudson. While of course I am tired, my mind feels so much clearer than it did at the one week mark with H. I can still so clearly recall the fear, anxiety, and overwhelm that seemed to fog my sense of joy in the first few days and weeks of Hudson’s life. This week, while there have been a few tears on my part, they seemed to quickly roll past and I was able to see with clear vision the great privilege to raise another little boy.
Part of this new perspective definitely comes with experience and Thatcher being our second son. I know this newborn season is so short in the whole scheme of things. Instead of stressing about how hard it is, I am really trying to slow way down and soak it all in. I am not rushing things. I am taking it easy. I am really just focused on nursing him and taking care of my own body too. I am eating more throughout the day, I am prioritizing my morning shower, I am carving out small amounts of quiet time to read my devotional and journal (even if it is just for 5 minutes), and I am resting. I am trying to have one nap a day. I am saying yes to all of the help (and there has already been so much. We have such a wonderful community and family that loves us so well). And mostly, I am holding our sweet Thatcher tight and soaking in his sweet snuggles.
Thatcher came into this world on May 10th, 2021 via scheduled C-Section. Last time around, Hudson’s C-Section was really hard on me. It was not what I was expecting and it felt like my body had already failed the first test of motherhood. This time around, I was mentally prepared for delivering via C-Section. I also was no longer attached to having a natural delivery. After having such a traumatic delivery experience with Hudson and experiencing a miscarriage, all I cared about this time was having our boy in my arms. While I had a small hope that my water might break and I would go into natural labor on my own before the scheduled date, that did not happen. And I was good with it.
Everything went really smoothly in the surgery, but I found myself to be way more anxious and nervous on the operating table than I was expecting. I kept squeezing Lance’s hand, telling him how anxious I felt. After experiencing a full pregnancy just a month following our miscarriage, my heart never was able to fully relax until I could hear the screams of the baby and had him in my arms. It was the moment they pulled him out and I heard everyone say how big he looked and I heard his cries that my whole body relaxed. Thatcher was here. Everything was going to be okay.
Thatcher has been melting my heart for these past 7 days. He is so mellow and sweet. He has been nursing well and gaining weight well. He is almost back to his original birth weight of 7lbs. 3oz. He rarely cries (mostly only while getting his diaper changed and not being in someone’s arms). He loves his milk and makes it known when he is finished. He loves to burrow into my chest and sleep there. As tired as I am, I have found myself spending a lot of my time wide-awake in the glider just holding and staring at our sweet boy.
While all this is true, I also feel nervous for the weeks ahead. I feel overwhelmed with how I will transition into this new role of being a mom to two boys. While most of this week has been filled with great joy, there is a lingering of anxiety, which is not new for me in the postpartum days. While I don’t quite feel ready for all that is to come, I am trying to stay present on all the wonderful things before us right now. These days are quiet and slow, but we have two amazing boys now and there is nothing better. I can’t wait to watch baby Thatcher grow. I already see such a gentle spirit within him and I think it will be the exact thing his big brother Hudson needs.
Oh and Hudson, he has been so sweet with Thatcher. He constantly wants to hold him. He says Thatcher makes him feel “warm and cozy.” Also, upon initially meeting the baby, Hudson held him and said, “Wake up baby Thatcher, I am here to help you!” As crazy as Hudson can be, it has been a joy to see a different side of him develop as he has officially become a big brother.
All this to say, yes, I am tired. Yes, I feel a bit overwhelmed with what exactly daily life will look like. Yet, my heart could not be more thankful. This first week, I have had a deep sense that I was made for this. I look forward to the weeks ahead and will be leaning strongly on the Lord to give me courage and confidence as I continue to find a balance in the days to come.