Happy one day before Mother’s Day! Last Mother’s Day, people wished me a Happy Mother’s Day, and I thought it was very kind, but I felt like I didn’t fully deserve it. I did not feel like I was technically a mother yet. I hadn’t done the hard work of changing diapers, drying tears, losing sleep. But, of everything I have learned in this past year of motherhood, it is the fact that what makes a mom has nothing to do with those things. Yes, diapers, crying (both baby and mom), and little sleep is part of the job description; however, it is not what makes a mom. It is love that makes a mom. Before all the sleepless nights, the never-ending nursing sessions, and the massive diaper bag that has replaced my cute, little black Kate Spade; I was actually already a mom. I had the belly and love to prove it. This has been probably one of my greatest lessons I have learned so far. Especially in those first couple months, I felt so overwhelmed and unsure with my new title as mom. I felt completely inadequate. I felt like a fraud. Who am I to mother this child? I have no idea what I am doing! Simple things like taking the car seat in and out of the car was a struggle for me. Even holding him, I felt awkward and unsure. I lacked all confidence. I would sit at home, terrified to leave the house with him by myself.
Back then, I thought I had to prove to others (and myself) that I was a good mom. I thought my title of mother was based on what I did. Thankfully, just like my identity in Christ, it is based on nothing that I do. It is based on love. It is not even my own love because even that falters. It is a perfect love, the love of God. I am almost a year in to this whole motherhood thing, and of everything I have learned, one thing that I am even more certain of is my great need for a Savior. Motherhood has revealed within me a heart that is selfish and insecure. It has been made very clear that I cannot do this alone. It also has been made very clear that I am not in control. This past year has been full of letting go. Letting go of expectations. Letting go of my tight grip of control. And letting go of what other people think about me. I do these three things better on certain days, and have days where I hold on to everything. But I am learning to let go and this letting go is making all the difference. I am becoming such a better mom the more that I have learned to let go. Things are just not going to be perfect. The spoon will be dropped a thousand times. He will refuse to sleep. He will cry during the wedding vows. I need to let it go. I wrote a previous post about some of the specifics I have learned in the first 6 months of motherhood. You can read that post here. While I broke it down into more specific lessons, much of what I wrote revolves around letting go. It is letting go of the things I simply cannot control and learning to lean in to the one thing that actually makes me a mother: love. This whole letting go thing is not a passive excuse to not care. It is not an “oh well” mindset. It is actually quite the opposite. It is active and intentional. When I choose to let go of the things out of my control, I pray. I ask God to enter. I hand it over. I admit my lack, my need, my limits.
So mama, if you are feeling tired, overwhelmed, and uncertain in your mom abilities, I hope these words can act as encouragement. It certainly can feel overwhelming, but if you can break it down more simply to loving and letting go, I think you will ultimately find so much greater joy.
To all the mothers, thank you for everything you do. It is so much and it really matters. Enjoy your day and if possible let go of a few things and ask God to enter and take over. This might just change everything for you. Special thanks to my amazing mother that has set such a beautiful example of what it looks like to be a mother that sacrifices and loves so well.
This Mama Needs Grace 